The Things in My Head

My head is full of things. So many things! Some of them make me happy, even though they shouldn’t, because I’m not really supposed to eat Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Because gluten and sugar and stuff.

But I’m kind of ready to pack my one-woman camping bag and spend the night parked outside the doors before they open up their very first store in SA on 25 November.

25 November is significant to my family for completely different reasons, too. It was the birthday of my younger cousin, Donnavan, who was killed in a freak accident in my matric year. He would be turning 31 this year.

And just like that, my head is full of loss. Of images of 12 year old me, watching the hearse drive off, my father’s body in the casket inside. And of the yellow daffodils my grandmother arranged for Donnavan’ s funeral in 1997. And of the helplessness I felt, watching Gaby suffer through her final moments almost two weeks ago now and how those pictures have stuck in my mind since then. And of the dream I had last night in which I was being comforted by Cath after realising my mother had died of cancer.

And of the relief of waking up, realising I’d been dreaming.

And suddenly my head is full of other things again. Of how things change – how I’ve changed, over time. And also stayed the same.

Of how anxious I am about things right now. Things I hadn’t realised were so important to me. Like the job I’ve applied for and am waiting to hear about and how it’s been many years since I’ve felt so exposed, having put myself out there.

Best not to think on that too hard…

So, it’s off down another one of the tunnels in my mental maze, looking at the things about the year that’s almost gone and what lies ahead in the new one.  Now, my head is full of school things. Of how Jack seems to have gotten off to a pretty good start this term and I hope it lasts! Of how Michael is doing well in everything but Afrikaans and it’s totally my fault because I’m half boertjie and yet have raised my children to speak only English. Of how, in a couple of months’ time, Megan will be off to boarding school and I won’t be there to see that it all goes well, that she settles and is happy and makes friends…

 

It’s a good thing, I think. It’s like mental pins & needles as my brain wakes up after having been stuck in a hazy state of numb for an awfully long time.

I’m so ready to be awake!

Catch up

Last night, a friend and I met up with a former colleague from Dubai, who’s currently visiting South Africa on business. I got home at 2:00 this morning. It was so good to reconnect with old friends and feel a little bit like a person again, rather than a mom. People have more fun than moms, you know. And bikers have more fun than people. But we won’t go there just right now…

Anyway, we met up and enjoyed some cocktails and beer and a very late night burger, which was delicious. And we talked about all kinds of grown-up things, like education and learning and the study of literature in a hypertextual world. Things I used to be deeply engaged in before my whole life became all about five other people.

It was wonderful!

My brain misfired every so often, trying to plough through the fog of misuse that settles when you spend 80% of your time in the company of a pre-schooler, and still it was marvellous.

Apart from that little detour, not much out of the ordinary has happened around these parts this last while, so I’m going to follow Angel’s lead and post some random photos from my phone.

Mud party
What little boys do when Mom’s not home
Chris Riddell, 2015 - 2017 Children's Laureate, explaining the negotiation with "Edna Mode" in the publisher's "Making Books Beautiful Department" to his fans at Exclusive Books in Melrose Arch.
Chris Riddell, 2015 – 2017 Children’s Laureate, explaining the negotiation with “Edna Mode” in the publisher’s “Making Books Beautiful Department” to his fans at Exclusive Books in Melrose Arch.
James playing on the building site at Sci Bono.
James playing on the building site at Sci Bono.
Samuel Johnson snapped at the beginning of a big yawn. Looks like she's mouthing off something cheeky, doesn't she?
Samuel Johnson snapped at the beginning of a big yawn. Looks like she’s mouthing off something cheeky, doesn’t she?

Oh, also – I’m job hunting at the moment. There are one or two possibilities I’m very excited about but I’ll tell you all more when I know where things are headed. Wish me luck!

 

 

(I’m) A Little Bit of Everything

I’m a bitch

Jack recently needed to have a couple of teeth extracted because they had decayed to the point of causing infection in his mouth. (Yes, I know that’s bad and you can keep your judgements to yourself, thanks.)

I was of the opinion that the situation provided an opportunity to teach Jack the importance of good oral hygiene by showing that the Tooth Fairy does not collect and pay for rotten teeth. D felt otherwise (and had his way in the end). While we argued about it, though, he made a comment that really stung. He might as well have punched me in the gut: “How would you like it if you were your mother?” This implies, of course, that I’m an unreasonable bitch and my children shouldn’t have to suffer me.

Well. Okay, then. I’ll just file that away under “Things to throw in the husband’s face during a future disagreement.”

I’m a lover

One who doesn’t discuss in public what belongs in the bedroom… 😉

I’m a child

If you’ve been reading MamaMeeA for a while, you’ll know that my mom and sister moved in with us in April last year.  It was going to be a three or four month thing, while they sorted out some stuff, found new jobs, etc.

I moved my daughter out of her large bedroom with ensuite bathroom and put my mom in there. I moved my office out of my office and into my bedroom, and my daughter into what had been my office, which she would share with my sister.

I rented a storage unit in which to store those of my mom’s things that could not be squeezed into our house and moved out of our house and into storage those of our things we could live without, to make room for the rest of my mom’s stuff.

We adjusted and adapted and made do.  My mom found a job near our house and contributed from her small salary toward the household. That big project we had going from last year ran well into this year and the regular income from that masked the fact for quite a long time that we were going to run into trouble. And then my mom left her job for another one that didn’t work out. And then that project of ours was over and we ran into trouble.

So, in the middle of last month, I called a family meeting during which I asked my mom and sister to move out at the end of the month.

I’m a mother

Yeah – no surprises there! Between the weirdness of watching my two eldest enter puberty and all that goes along with that, wrangling my strong-willed Grade One child to some semblance of  pretending to cooperate with his teacher in class and having the youngest at home during the day (a new and hopefully temporary development), that fact is hard to miss.

I’m having so much fun with the younger kids at the moment! My littlest J happened upon a PEZ dispensing Perry the Platypus among his toys a few days ago and when I saw a packet of PEZ sweeties in the checkout queue at Dis-Chem later, I bought it.

Then I filled up Perry while James watched a movie and waited a few minutes before I called James and asked him whether he’d heard something that sounded like magic. James being James, he played along and agreed that he’d heard “magic noises”. I suggested that perhaps the noise had come from Perry the Platypus, prompting James to set off in search of the toy.

Watching him discover his “magically” refilled PEZ dispenser at random intervals over the past few days has been so much fun!

The older kids are doing pretty well, too and I find myself enjoying many proud mom moments lately.

Michael started playing chess this year and it turns out he’s really good at it! He’s currently one of the top players in the school and I’m so pleased he’s found something he enjoys, is good at and is likely to stick to.

Megan has started writing prolifically once again after seeming to have lost interest for a while. She’s also suddenly started surprising me with some impressive academic results and I’m so glad she’s finding her groove.

I’m a sinner

And these past few weeks, I’ve been paying for my sins.

Right now, I’m implementing a strategy to put my little company back on track after a few setbacks. I won’t lie – it’s slow, tough going and I’m not having loads of fun. But it does help to have a plan in place. Plans, actually. Plural.

Phase One entails handling the immediate internal issues, including the setting up of standard systems and protocols and drafting policy for future operations. This follows naturally on recent events and is the product of lessons learned from the experiences of the past couple of years.

Phase Two is where things get interesting and while I can’t say much until all of the various NDAs and other agreements are finalised and signed (single most valuable lesson learned so far – no verbal agreements!!), I am  excited for what all of this means in terms of long term potential.

I’m a saint

Okay, so that one’s never going to fly. I’m not exactly the choirgirl type. But I could be.

Could have been.

If I’d wanted to…

 

Right Now

I don’t give a fuck about gluten free, healthy eating. I just want to dive mouth first into a mountain of doughnuts. Chocolate ones, sugared ones. custard ones, doughnuts with sprinkles, cruller doughnuts, horn doughnuts, fried doughnuts, baked doughuts, Dunkin Donuts, Krispy Kremes – I don’t care! Give me any of them! Give me ALL of them!

Clearly, this is a sign that I’m missing something in my general nutrition. And I’m sure I’ll get to finding out what it is eventually. But just for today, I want to fall off the wagon so hard, that wagon’ll think it’s taking off!

I won’t, though. Buy all the doughnuts, that is. Instead, I’ll polish off this bag of fruit pastilles I bought this morning, having already inhaled a packet of strawberry Mentos in under 5 seconds. Then I’ll plough through that slab of Aero Duet sitting in my cupboard. Then I’ll feel awful about myself and need to eat something that’s actually food, so I’ll have something with protein in it for lunch.

Apparently, I stress eat. Yeah.

So excuse me for a little bit longer while I neglect my blog and anything vaguely like a social life in order to gorge myself on every kind of junk food I can lay my hands on. Oh, and deal with the demons. Almost(ish) done wrangling them bad boys, then we can have a nice, long chat.

 

On Moving Things and Shifting Perspectives

I’m trying to be a bit less whiney, which means I stop myself from saying stuff a lot. In fact, it means I’m being pretty quiet lately – and I don’t mean just on my blog.

I got to meet Sheena’s beautiful baby boy this week and, driving home from there, I realised that even in the middle of getting to meet this gorgeous little man, taking a couple of hours out of the grind to just relax and be sociable for a bit, I’d been an insufferable moaner. Sheena, if you ever read this: Sorry!

My mind is on moving a lot at the moment. Mainly because where we live is beginning to feel kind of crowded but I’m also thinking about being moved in other ways – in the feely sense.
I posted a photo to Instagram a few weeks ago of a little note tied to a piece of string with the remnants of a yellow balloon, which David had found on top of a factory roof he’d been inspecting in Alrode that day.

And since seeing it, I’ve been somewhat more inclined to consider where people are coming from, what their stories could possibly be…

Liebster Award

Okay, so I wasn’t actually awarded this one. I saw it over on Cassey’s blog and mentioned in her comments section that I may use it to inspire some cool Q&A type  stuff for a post on my blog. Of course, it sounded like a totally unsubtle hint at wanting an award,  so she added me to her list of nominees. Yay, me! ;-P

liebster-award

And here’s how it works:

  • 1.  Thank and link the person who nominated you.
  • 2. Answer the questions asked by the nominator.
  • 3. Nominate 11 other bloggers who have fewer than 200 followers and link them.
  • 4. Create 11 new questions for your nominees to answer.
  • 5. Notify your nominees via social media/blogs.

And here are the questions Cassey asked, with my answers:

1. When you go somewhere new, what’s more important seeing the sights or eating the food?

Depends on the place and what my budget is. But more often than not, I’m all about the food first, then the sights. The scenery will still be there tomorrow but I might not, if I starve to death! 😉

2. Five cities/countries/places you must see.

New York City, Venice, Germany, Moscow, St. Petersburg, Hong Kong, Thailand, Milan, Cyprus, Greece, the Louvre (again), the inside of Burj Khalifa, Disneyland,  the LEGOLAND resorts, Cadbury’s Dairy World… And everywhere else in between. Sorry, no way I’m picking just five. You can’t make me!

3. Favourite city/country/place.

Right now, Johannesburg. Because it’s where I’m setting up the systems and structures that will create wealth for my family and allow us in time to visit and explore and fall in love with all the other places we’ll go.

4. Shades of grey or black and white?

All of them. Some things, you just know are right or wrong. Others, you have to gauge what’s the greatest good for the greatest number…

5. Who’s your favourite superhero?

Not sure. I’m kind of disenchanted with what moviemakers have done with superheroes of late – they’re all coming off a bit poncey. I really like David Dunn of the 2000 movie, Unbreakable? He’s real and raw and wounded and vulnerable and big and unbreakable and just a good guy, deep down.

6. Who’s your favourite villain?

Elijah Price. He’s the perfect polar opposite to David Dunn but also not really. In his own way, he’s kind of a good guy, too.

7. Top three books.

The Hounds of the Morrigan – Pat O’ Shea

Kringe in ‘n Bos – Dalene Matthee

The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood

Of course, this could change at any moment. Picking favourites is hard because the way I feel about a book can change at any time, depending on where I’m at, mentally and emotionally. If it communicates something to me that resonates with me, I love it. When it stops doing that, I move on.

8.  Top three series

I really don’t watch much TV at all, so this is hard. I’ll have to list the only three series I’ve actually watched over the past couple of years:

Prison Break (How kak was the ending?!)

Dexter (only saw up to end of Season 6)

Game of Thrones

9. Tea or coffee?

Coffee in the morning. Rooibos tea the rest of the day. And maybe the odd coffee in between.

10. Favourite game.

Up until recently, I was having loads of fun playing Criminal Case on my phone. But that went the way of social media and now I don’t play any games anymore.

11. Favourite character you’ve played.

A long, long time ago, when I dabbled in RPG, I once played a Ravnos vampire  with a bunch of cool skills but known to be dead. It was awesome.

And here are my nominations:

I’m not nominating anyone.  I don’t think there are even 11 people who read my blog. And I’m pretty sure that most of the bloggers I follow have more than 200 followers. Also, I’m not on social media, so this eliminates the notifying nominees bit from the equation, too. So, if you read my blog and would like to play, here are my questions to you:

1. Where in the world have you been?

2. What is your signature dish – the one thing you can make/cook/bake better than anyone else?

3. How many of your high school friends are you still in touch with now?

4. What did you want to be when you “grew up” and are you doing/being that now?

5. Five books you could read over and over again?

6. Five all time favourite films?

7. Top five songs in your current playlist?

8. What has been your biggest adventure so far?

9. What is your single greatest regret?

10. What is your single greatest motivator?

11. If you could change one thing in the world/your life/your job/the universe, what would it be?

And there you go.