It’s 08:40. This morning, I’m supposed to be delivering product to a client. I should have left already but I wanted to start this post, so that when I get back from making the delivery and stopping in at the shops on my way back, I’ll see it and keep writing.
See, I’m already slipping back into my corner, not writing, not sharing the thoughts in my head and I don’t want to go back to being in that cage again.
12:43. I made my delivery at 09:04 – perfect timing. Then I stopped by the place where I buy breakfast cereals in bulk, at a massively discounted rate because the cardboard boxes they are packaged in are damaged. Then I met my husband for coffee before heading off to the nearest Woolies to spoil myself with some pretty new panties. Because if I were to be in an accident in any of the pairs I currently own, my mom would die of shame if she came to identify/collect my remains.
This afternoon, my three primary school kids have Chess and Orienteering, which means I have an extra hour or two in which to be productive.
I was going to run this morning. It was supposed to be a run day. But we stayed up far too late last night, watching movies and eating stuff I’m not supposed to eat. So I didn’t even bother setting my alarm for run time, knowing that I would hit the snooze button if I did. I’m running a half marathon in a month’s time. I should be hitting the road, hard, almost every day.
I was going to go to the fresh produce market in town this morning, after the delivery and the shops. Now, it’ll have to wait for tomorrow because the boys finish Chess in an hour and a half and I’ll never make it there and back through lunchtime traffic. Best to go first thing in the morning, I think, and get it done.
I was going to blog this weekend. Instead, I read Nicholas Sparks’ Message in a Bottle, took the kids out for waffles (and ate one myself, knowing it would put me in a gluten semi-coma with a swollen belly for the rest of the day!) and waited out the power outage while David worked, again. Then we made paint on Sunday so that I could deliver it today. So that’s at least some time productively spent, before we sank into our armchairs and vegged all afternoon and evening, right?
This week, I’m supposed to get my accounting up to date, so that we can send it off to our tax consultant and file our taxes, pay our penalties and promise ourselves again that this year, we’re going to stay on top of it. And we will, because I’m getting better at making lists and remembering to do the stuff that needs to be done.
Even if it feels like I’m always messing it up. Even if it feels like it’s always slipping away from me.